Michigan Primary
Mitt Romney is promising to preserve Michigan’s auto industry jobs… which should win him the votes of the three people in Michigan who still have jobs in the auto industry.



Citi Losses
Citigroup announced a loss of $18.1 billion, but the stock is rising on rumors that Citi CEO Vikram Pandit may have just left the money in his other pants.

Because of housing market losses, Citigroup may lay off up to 24,000 workers... further hurting the housing market when those 24,000 workers have to put their homes up for sale.



Bush Asks for Help
President Bush is asking the Saudis to do what they can to reduce oil prices. The Saudis aren’t giving in on that, but they are promising him windshield cleanings and free coffee refills at any U.S. gas station.



Vytorin Study
A clinical trial has shown that the cholesterol drug Vytorin is not effective and may even be dangerous. Vytorin’s parent company is responding with a blitz of much more funny and convincing TV commercials.



K-Fed’s Hope
Kevin Federline says he still wants Britney Spears to participate in raising their children with him. It would especially be nice if she could baby sit when he’s out getting high with strippers.