Tuesday, January 08, 2008

New Hampshire Voting
Turnout is said to be huge in the New Hampshire primary as residents say going out to vote is actually the only way to avoid being harassed by pollsters.

Cayne Quits
Bear Sterns CEO James Cayne is stepping down... probably to spend more time making candles.

Hicks Dropped
Sony records has dropped American Idol winner Taylor Hicks from his contract. But Hicks still has a more lucrative contract with "Just for Men."

Hillary Clinton almost broke down in tears during a campaign forum in New Hampshire Monday... shocking millions of Americans who didn't think she was actually human.

Insiders say Hillary will be "humiliated" if Barack Obama defeats her in today's primary. This would actually be the first time she's been humiliated by someone other than her husband.

No Globes
The Golden Globes awards ceremony has been canceled due to the writers' strike. This means if you really want to see a bunch of celebrities acting stupid and talking incoherently, you'll just have to go to Britney Spears' house.

Super Car
GM is working on making a revolutionary "self-driving" car. The vehicles will do everything from changing lanes to parking, and models in New York will even automatically give other cars the finger.

Super Car II
GM is working on making a revolutionary "self-driving" car. Unfortunately, the car is being designed by the striking writers who created "Knight Rider."


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