New Year's Eve
Thousands of people will jam New York's Times Square tonight to ring in 2008... and wait to use the only clean public bathroom in Manhattan.



Kenya Riots
Rioters and arsonists are running wild in Kenya after yesterday's disputed elections. If only Americans started acting like this, maybe the 2008 presidential candidates would leave us alone.


The U.S. government is questioning Kenya's elections results. We just can't figure out how they could have an election without millions of dollars in shady campaign donations and 85 meaningless debates on CNN.



Paris and Nicky
Paris and Nicky Hilton will be paid $500,000 to appaer at the LAX club in Las Vegas tonight. A small price to pay to guarantee a decent New Year's Eve for everyone in America who won't be anywhere near the LAX club tonight.