Markets Fall Hard
As global stock markets post record selloffs, the CEO's of America's most struggling companies are snapping into action... by quitting and grabbing their $100 million severance packages before it's too late.

The Fed has cut interest rates by 3/4 of a point in response to the stock dropoff, when it only cut rates by a 1/2 point after 9/11. Proof once again that stupid Wall Street brokers are more dangerous to America than suicide bombers.



Davos Conference
As the market meltdown intensifies, the world's top CEO's are gathering in Davos, Switzerland... because stock selloffs come and go, but good ski conditions are hard to come by.



Paulson's Preaching
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said today that the current mortgage-related problems in America are "only temporary,"... which is true since most of us will be evicted from our homes in about 3 months or so.



Dem Debate
After last night's nasty exchanges between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton in the Democratic debate, experts are wondering which candidate won. Of course the answer is John McCain.



Gaza Delivery
Israel allowed 50 trucks full of food supplies into Gaza today. Before that, most Gazans had been forced to eat surplus explosives.

Palestinians say the supplies of flour and milk Israel allowed into Gaza today were "insufficient"... mostly because they can't figure out how to set them on fire.

The European Commission is condemning Israel's actions to stop Palestinian rocket attacks as “collective punishment"... because stopping the attacks unfairly keeps Palestinians from dancing in the streets when Jews die.


Texas Steroids
Texas will begin testing its high school athletes for steroids this month. One day, they hope to test the athletes for reading and math.