Bernanke Hearing
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke faced a tough grilling in a House hearing today. Members of Congress are seriously concerned about the falling value of their campaign contributions.



Bush Statement
President Bush says the economy only needs a short term stimulus plan… mostly because next year, he won’t have to worry about the economy anymore.



Bank Woes
Merrill Lynch and the Bank of New York are the latest Wall Street firms to announce multi-billion dollar writedowns because of the mortgage mess. Crooks are no longer robbing banks because that’s where the money is… they’re robbing them because that’s where the stupid people are.



Excited Electorate
A new Gallup poll shows that a record 62% of Americans are “excited” about this year’s elections. Of course, we’re excited about anything that might take Britney Spears off the front page.



Eddie’s “Marriage”
Eddie Murphy says his wedding to film producer Tracey Edmonds two weeks ago was only symbolic and they are not actually married. It’s not clear if this means they’ll be giving back the blender I sent them.



FDA Warning
The FDA now says that over-the-counter cough and cold medicines for children under age 2 should not be used because serious and potentially life-threatening side effects can occur… like an addiction to artificial grape and cherry flavoring.