NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday



Satellite Shootdown
The U.S. Navy successfully shot down that errant satellite last night. Apparently, it was the satellite charged with spying on whomever John McCain is dating.



McCain Denial
John McCain is strongly denying that he had an improper relationship with a female lobbyist in 1999 and 2000. But the news that he may have done special favors for a big business advocate is finally boosting his poll numbers among conservatives.


St. Patrick's Day Conflict
In what could be a dilemma for America's Irish community, St. Patrick's Day will fall during the solemn period of Holy Week this year for the first time since 1940. Of course this shouldn't be a problem, since Irish-Americans always celebrate St. Patrick's Day with quiet reflection, study and prayer.



Settlement Protest
Palestinians are protesting the expansion of a Jewish community in the West Bank... which they say is hindering their attempts to build newer and bigger bomb factories for Hamas.