Citi Woes
Citigroup is dealing with bigger and bigger losses by the day. Things are so bad; I used one of its ATM’s last night and instead of cash, it gave me its resume.

I tried to make a withdrawal at a Citibank ATM last night and instead of giving me cash, it asked me for a loan.



Peace Efforts
U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has sent a letter to the Israeli government, demanding that it resume peace talks with the Palestinians. But the message lost some of its urgency when it was destroyed by a Hamas rocket before it reached the Knesset.

Rice says Israel should make "a very strong effort to spare innocent life" in Gaza. Israel is responding by asking Hamas very, very nicley to please stop shooting rockets and hiding out in civilian areas.

Rice is also demanding that the Palestinians stop harming innocent civilians. The Palestinians have responded by asking her what the words “innocent” and “civilian” mean.

Egyptian foreign minister Aboul Gheit is accusing Israel of responding too harshly to Hamas rocket attacks that often only kill one or two Israelis. Israel has agreed with Gheit, and has promised that after the next deadly Hamas rocket attack, it will only kill him.


Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said 20 Arab children were killed in Gaza during Israel's five-day assault last week... and if the Israelis invade again, Abbas won't hesitate to go back and kill 20 more.




Momnesia
A new study shows that having a baby sometimes leads to memory lapses in women. Apparently, all the late-night feedings and diaper changes can cause a mom to forget how to sleep.



Cash Pile
A new report shows the nation’s leading companies are now holding $600 billion in cash, up from about $203 billion in 1998. With oil prices so high, the corporations are finding it more cost effective to burn their excess dollars for fuel.



Unique Discovery
Marine experts have discovered a rare six-legged octopus. It was actually born with eight legs, but lost two in order to pay higher mortgage and gas bills.



Detroit Mayor Vote
The Detroit City Council plans to vote on a resolution that would ask embattled Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick to step down. The council plans to inform Kilpatrick by text-messaging him at his mistress' house.