New Governor
David Paterson, the man who will replace Eliot Spitzer as the Governor of New York, is legally blind... which at least means he doesn't need to use the most expensive hookers.


Spitzer Going?
A report says Eliot Spitzer is set to resign at about 9am today. His resignation speech will beging with the line: "Four scores and seven ho's ago..."

Spitzer has been delaying his resignation so he can keep his law license... which he'll need because no one is going to represent him in the divorce case.

Spitzer had been a superdelegate pledged to Hillary Clinton... is she knew he was going to act this way, she would have just married him.


Ferraro's Complaint
Former Congresswoman Geraldine Ferraro says that every time she or Hillary Clinton criticizes Barack Obama, they're accused of being racist. By being called racists every time they talk, they're finally learning what it's like to be a Republican.



Drug Sales Slowing
Sales of prescription drugs in the United States grew just 3.8% in 2007, marking the lowest growth rate since 1961... of course, who needs to pay for prescription drugs when you can get it free in the tap water?



Teen Sex Study
A new study says one in four teenaged girls in the United Sates has been infected with at least one sexually transmitted disease... the other three out of four have never met Eliot Spitzer.