Clinton Strategist Quits
The chief strategist for Sen. Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, Mark Penn, is quitting. After writing most of Mrs. Clinton's speeches, Penn is being offered millions to write the sequel to Pinocchio.



Top 5 Questions on the New Bear Stearns Job Application

5) Do you know how to operate a hand truck?

4) Can the CEO park his Lexus at your house until the repo man goes away?

3) Does seeing grown men cry make you uncomfortable?

2) Do you have any empty boxes you could bring in to work every day?

1) How much money do you have in your wallet right now?



Olympic Torch Grabbed
Rioters clashed with British police on Sunday and tried to grab the Olympic torch. It turns out the rioters weren't protesting against China, they were just Kansas and Memphis fans hoping to use the torch to set the winning school's campus ablaze.


Box Office Jackpot
The black jack movie "21" is number one at the box office for the second week in a row... not because it's a good film, just because most Americans need to gamble to make a living.



Michigan State Riots
Police used tear gas to disperse a crowd at a large party near the Michigan State campus after fights broke out and officers were pelted with bottles and cans. Police say the students started the riot after mistakenly thinking the basketball team made the Final Four.