NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday




Sexy Time
A new survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes... of course, that must have been a survey of just MALE sex therapists.

Sexy Time II
A new survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes... so that means Eliot Spitzer is shelling out at least $6,000-a-minute!



Drug Prices Soaring
Even as the economy slows, prices for prescription drugs are rising steadily... this is mostly because of the greater demand for drugs that help people forget about the economy.



Earmark Task Force
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell is putting together a special task force to stop wasteful government spending and earmarks. Assembling the task force is expected to cost taxpayers about $15 billion.


Al Qaeda Claim
Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri has released a new statement insisting that the terror group "does not kill innocents." This is the kind of stuff we can expect to hear from him now that he's hired Hillary Clinton's speechwriter.



Hillary's Heart Rending Tale
Hillary Clinton has been touching audiences at each of her campaign stops with a story of a young pregnant woman who lost her baby and then died herself because she had no health coverage. It's not clear if the story is entirely true, but we do know the father of the baby was probably Bill Clinton.



Just a Question...
... if you work for BlackBerry, does that mean you have a "Rimm Job?"