Thursday, April 17, 2008

NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and! Here's the link: Newsday

Bad News for Pfizer
Pfizer announced disappointing earnings this morning and its stock price is near an 11-year low. It's not clear if things are really bad at the company or if Pfizer is just trying to get its investors more dependent on its drugs.

Pope Today
People began arriving at Washington's baseball stadium at 5 a.m. today for a 10 a.m. Mass to be celebrated by Pope Benedict XVI. That's great news for the vendors selling $6 "Pope Dogs" and "Papal Beer" for $7.50.

Pope's Theme
Pope Benedict XVI continues his visit to the United States today hoping to bring faith, good deeds, and peace between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Alzheimer's Study
A new study shows that heavy drinkers are more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease... which explains why so many people forget to pay their bar tab.

Lethal Injections Allowed
The Supreme Court has upheld the legality of lethal injections. A majority of the justices rejected arguments that the executions cause excruciating pain to the inmates and the construction companies desperate to build more prisons in the economic slowdown.

Bumped Passengers
The government is ordering airlines to double the compensation they must pay passengers bumped from oversold flights to as much as $800. That should cover the cost of about two cups of coffee and airport parking fees.


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