Graffiti Alert
Classes and all other events have been canceled after "suspicious graffiti" was found in three men's restrooms at Oakland University in Michigan. University officials say the only reason the graffiti was suspicious because it was spelled right.



Impressing the Pope
President Bush is pulling out all the stops for Pope Benedict XVI's visit this month; driving out to meet the Pope's plane, bringing a giant audience to the South Lawn and hosting a fancy East Room dinner. Apparently, no one's told Bush that the Vatican doesn't have any oil.

Of course, President Bush and the Pope have a lot in common; they were both annointed by oil.



Merger Close
Delta and Northwest are finally close to announcing a merger. The deal would create the world's largest carrier, thus making easier, faster, and less expensive to cancel hundreds of flights every day.



Carter Meets Hamas
Former President Jimmy Carter is defending his decision to meet with the leaders of the Hamas terrorist group... mostly because vicious murderers are the only people still willing to meet with him.



Obama Backtracks
Barack Obama says bitter small town blue collar workers have turned to God, guns and immigrant bashing. That's radically opposed to the teachings of his pastor, who continues to encourage bitter Americans to simply bash white people.

Hillary's Strikes Back
Hillary Clinton is slamming Barack Obama's statement about bitter Americans turning to God, guns and immigrant bashing. Of course whenever Hillary gets bitter, she simply decides to run for higher office.