Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Snipes Warrant
An arrest warrant has been issued for Wesley Snipes on charges of tax fraud. Snipes is reportedly stuffing five-year's worth of his W-2's into the back of a white Ford Bronco as he prepares for a low-speed chase through the streets of Miami.

Bush Call
In a 15 minute phone call, President Bush assured Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki that U.S. troops would not leave his country too soon... and he also saved him a bunch of money on his car insurance.

White House Response
In response to the James Baker's report recommending a withdrawal from Iraq, White House spokesperson Tony Snow said, "We are not going to outsource the business of handling the war in Iraq." That statement sent Halliburton stock into a freefall.

Flu Vaccine
Government scientists say they have created a vaccine against the catastrophic Spanish flu virus of 1918-1919. So if the bird flu hits, we'll only have to wait about 90 years for a cure.

New Campaign Media
Political candidates are now using popular websites Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube to give their campaigns free publicity, bypass traditional media, and date more 16-year-olds.

Tyson Wants to Fight
Mike Tyson wants to have a boxing match against Ann Wolfe, a female middle-weight, who has won 17 of her 18 professional bouts. It's the fight Tyson has trained his entire married life for.

Controversial Program
The United States Agency for International Development has vowed to stop funding a program in Africa that promotes female circumcision. But the campaign will still be led in America by Laura Bush.

New Pope Movie
The Vatican has endorsed a new animated film called "John Paul II, the Friend of Humanity," which chronicles the life of the last pontiff. Unfortunately, the movie also features the Pope's wacky sidekick "Morris the Pedophile Priest."

Rapper Shot & Arrested
The rapper "Fabolos" is in stable condition after being shot early Tuesday in Manhattan. Fabolos is also facing gun possession charges himself, along with charges of possessing an erroneous letter "o."

Fasting Record
A Russian man has set a new world record for fasting at 50 days. But that record is about to be broken by everyone in North Korea.


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