Football Fight
After reviewing a brutal brawl between players from Miami and Florida International Saturday, officials have suspended 31 of them from football. Luckily for the players, they still won't be expected to go to class.

Israeli President Charged
Police in Israel are recommending that the country's president be charged with rape and other crimes against several women. The news is a disgrace for Israel, but at least the Democrats in the U.S. have a new front runner for the presidential nomination in 2008!

U.S. Nun Sainted
A 19th century American nun has been named a saint by Pope Benedict XVI. Mother Theodore Guerin is credited with creating churches, colleges, and the ruler-on-hand slap.

Hawaii Quake
A major earthquake has hit the Hawaiian Islands. Even though no one has been hurt, every reporter at FOX News and CNN is begging to be sent there for some reason.


Buffalo Storm
325,000 homes and businesses still have no electricity in the Buffalo area after last week's snow storm. Well, that's at least 325,000 lucky people who didn't have to watch the Bills game Sunday.