Pope Gravely Ill
Despite being "gravely ill," Pope John Paul II is insisting on remaining at home. But Congress is rushing back to Washington to consider a bill that would force the Pope back into the hospital.

Bush's Next Move
Now that Terri Schiavo is dead, President Bush is fighting hard to keep another hopeless patient on life support... but enough about his Social Security plan.

Schiavo Reaction
Commenting on Terri Schiavo's death, President Bush again insisted that more Americans should embrace the "culture of life." And he said the best way to do that is by enlisting in the armed forces in time for the bombing of Iran.

Brad's Generosity
Reports say Brad Pitt is being extremely generous in divorce proceedings with Jennifer Aniston. He's giving Aniston their house and other investments, but Pitt will retain the only acting talent the couple has between them.

Jobs Report
The latest employment report shows that the number of people hired last month was only half what economists expected. It's not that there aren't any new jobs out there, it's just that no one can afford to fill their gas tank and get to an interview.

Celebrity Teachers
A new report shows UCLA hires more celebrities as teachers than any other school. The LAPD has already thanked the university for keeping them off the streets.

Celebrity Teachers II
A new report shows UCLA hires more celebrities as teachers than any other school. The most popular class is the Chemistry course taught by Robert Downey Jr.