Schiavo Effect
The Terry Schiavo case is convincing more people to make sure their life and death wishes are made clear. For example, while President Bush took his usual nap yesterday afternoon, 100 million Americans signed a "Do Not Resuscitate" request with his doctor.

Schiavo Latest
Experts say that without her feeding tube, Terry Schiavo can still last another three to seven days... and the cable news networks' higher ratings will last another five to eight days.

Top 5 Reasons Michael Jackson is Sick all the Time

5) Plastic body parts still warped from all the rain in California last month

4) Keeps insisting on riding his roller coaster 5 times a day before it gets repossessed

3) Bubbles gets abusive when he isn't fed on time

2) Hoping he might accidentally get admitted to a children's hospital

1) LaToya's been on TV a lot more lately

Baseball Greases Congress
Even as Congress threatens to regulate the sport, a new report reveals that Major League Baseball made cash donations to various Congressional campaigns last year. The estimated total contribution was $216,788... or the cost of taking a family of four to a game at Fenway Park this season.

Spam Counterattack
IBM has a new device that can actually return all spam emails directly to the sender. But the only person in the world who could possibly use all those free Viagra offers is Bill Clinton.

National Guard Age Limit
The National Guard is raising the maximum age for recruits by five years. But it's not clear whether this was done to boost the Guard's waning numbers or to give Americans a place to go after the Bush Administration abolishes Social Security.

Bush Fans Confusion
Polls of Bush supporters attending his speeches on Social Security show the overwhelming majority of them are still confused about his plan. The surveys confirm what we already knew -- people who support President Bush are easily confused.

Fed Rate Hike
Alan Greenspan and the Federal Reserve are expected to raise interest rates for the seventh straight time today. Greenspan says the latest hike will keep inflation down, buoy the stock market, and finally convince middle class Americans that nobody actually gives a damn about them.

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