Friday, March 25, 2005

Schiavo-Bush Approval
In the wake of his actions in the Schiavo case, President Bush's approval ratings are at an all time low. But by trying help a brain dead person, the White House insists the President is just catering to his core support base.

Bush's Push
The Bush administration remains desperate to stop Terry from dying. That's because even though she has no cognitive function, the White House still thinks she could do a better job investing her own Social Security money.

Schiavo Rejections
Terry Schiavo's parents have now gone to 22 state and federal courts seeking to reinsert her feeding tube. They've been unsuccessful each and every time, which means they finally know what it's like to be Democrats.

Top 5 Signs Your CEO is about to be Fired

5) Asks accountants to fudge earnings reports by using only roman numerals

4) At the last executive meeting, he nominated his gardener, mistress and childhood imaginary friend to the board of directors

3) Can't make any decisions without getting advice from that blonde woman and the old dude from "The Apprentice"

2) Only corresponds with other employees on X-rated chat boards

1) Earnings are falling, share prices are at an all-time low, morale is dead... oh wait, these days that's how you know your CEO is about to get a bigger bonus!

Kyrgyzstan Looting
Amid the political chaos in Kyrgyzstan, looting has broken out. Most looters are desperately looking for vowels.

Smith Reward
Ashlee Smith has received $70,000 in reward money from the FBI and the state of Georgia, after she helped them finally find the Atlanta courthouse shooter. But that's nothing compared to the $700,000 she's getting from CNN for helping them finally find some decent ratings.

Dinosaur Find
Scientists have discovered the fossils of a Tyrannosaurus rex in Montana, including some soft tissue. An examination showed
the 70-million-year-old dinosaur's blood vessels were virtually indistinguishable from those of Supreme Court justices and U.S.


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