New Energy Plan
President Bush wants to build dozens of new oil refineries on army bases across the country. It's a good plan, especially because the U.S. military just hasn't done enough for the big oil companies lately.

Top 5 Reasons Why the Huge New Airbus A380 Won't Be Profitable

5) It can hold up to 555 normal-sized passengers, but only about 100 American passengers

4) By the time security finishes checking the whole jet and all 555 passengers, your vacation time will be over

3) A huge jet carrying more civilian passengers than ever before... who came up with that idea, al Qaeda?

2) 555 people + in-flight movie starring Ben Affleck = full-scale riot

1) The whole damned plane only has one bathroom!

Bush Core Support
Despite weaker overall poll numbers, President Bush remains most popular among clergymen and the military. But that's just because pastors and soldiers are the only people who haven't lost their jobs in the last four years.

Buried Treasure
A Massachusetts man digging in his backyard was shocked when he uncovered a wooden box filled with $1, $2, and $20 bills adding up to more than $100,000. It turns out the money was buried during a long-ago time of economic security in America known as "the Clinton years."

Turkey Hunt Carnage
Two elderly men who had gone turkey hunting together in Washington state died of apparent heart attacks just minutes apart as they chased down game. Just to be safe, turkeys across the country are now lobbying against cheaper prescription drug imports from Canada.

Turkey Hunt Carnage II
Two elderly men who had gone turkey hunting together in Washington state died of apparent heart attacks just minutes apart as they chased down game. The NRA insists this never would have happened had the men not had to undergo an aggravating background check before they got their gun licenses.

Turkey Hunt Carnage III
Two elderly men who had gone turkey hunting together in Washington state died of apparent heart attacks just minutes apart as they chased down game. PETA is already offering to pay all the turkeys' legal fees.