Jacko's Ex-Wife to Testify
Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe will take the stand in his child molestation trial today. Rowe is expected to offer damaging testimony about how Jackson acted improperly with young boys, abused alcohol, and always used to call her "Macaulay" in bed.

Top 5 Questions Prosecutors will ask Debbie Rowe in the Michael Jackson Trial

5) What the Hell were you thinking?

4) About how many pictures of Emmanuel Lewis are on Mr. Jackson's bedroom wall?

3) No really, what the Hell were you thinking?

2) Does Mr. Jackson have any original body parts left?

1) While you were married to the defendant, exactly how did you keep from constantly vomiting?

L.A. Repair Shop Closed
More than 2,000 people in Los Angeles are still without their cars this morning after a large local auto repair shop chain went out of business. Most of the desperate male customers are dressing up as women in hopes of getting a ride from Eddie Murphy.

Bush to Pressure Saudis
Later today, President Bush intends to ask Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah to help drive down soaring oil and gas prices. Abdullah is expected to listen politely, and then remind Bush that he's his bitch.

Spring Snowstorm
Detroit was hit by a freak spring snowstorm over the weekend, forcing the city's residents indoors. Luckily, people in Detroit are afraid to go outdoors no matter what the weather is.

Rich Losing Confidence
A new study shows the wealthiest Americans are beginning to lose confidence in the U.S. economy. Apparently the rich aren't sure if America's middle class and poor people have any more money left for them to steal.