Papal Goals
In his first homily as Pope, Benedict XVI reached out to people of other faiths and promised to continue an "open and sincere" dialogue with them... especially if they want to talk about new ways to bash gays.

Roadside Mary
A steady stream of people have flocked to an expressway underpass in Chicago for a view of a yellow and white stain on a concrete wall that some believe is an image of the Virgin Mary. The area is also serving as a reunion spot for everyone who voted for Alan Keyes.

Inflation Woes
Inflation jumped 0.6 percent in March, the biggest surge in five months, as the costs of energy, clothing and inept Yankee relief pitchers spiraled out of control.

Times Square Trolley
New York City is considering building a street car along 42nd Street to ease pedestrian traffic. The tram will officially be called the "Times Square Trolley," but will commonly be known as the "world's biggest moving urinal."

Bankruptcy Bill
President Bush will sign a tougher new bankruptcy bill into law today. The measure will give credit card companies the right to collect more money from broke Americans, so the companies can pay for all the new credit card offers they mail to other broke Americans.

Bankruptcy Bill II
President Bush says he hopes his decision to sign the new bankruptcy bill will force people to act more responsibly when it comes to repaying debt. That's because now that the President has paid his debt to all his huge corporate contributors, he expects the rest of America to do the same.