Top 5 Punishments for the "Wendy's Finger Lady" Scam Artist

5) Return that finger to the Kentucky Fried Chicken place where she really found it

4) Provide CNN with a new, phony, and lame story like this one every ratings period

3) Go back to her old job at The Weekly World News

2) Fill Nicole Ritchie's empty spot and co-star with Paris Hilton in "The Simple Life 4"

1) Run Tom DeLay's re-election campaign

Abu Ghraib General Cleared
The Army has cleared the three-star general in charge of Abu Ghraib prison of all charges of prisoner abuse. Pentagon investigators noted a lack of direct evidence, questionable testimony, and the fact that President Bush was re-elected anyway.

Priestly Town
Despite a shortage of Catholic priests across Europe, the town of Casoni, Italy boasts an extremely high percentage of Church clerics in the population. Experts say it's because they're very devout, spiritual, and all the women of Casoni are really ugly.

Madonna Sued
Producers of Madonna's 2004 European TV concert are suing the singer for more than $300,000 in fees they say she owes them. But judges in the case say the only people with a right to sue are the people who watched the concert.