Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Clinton's Message
In his speech last night, Bill Clinton insisted that "strength and wisdom are not opposing values." But it's not clear if he meant that as an attack on President Bush, or an endorsement for Governor Schwarzenegger.

Bush Falls
President Bush fell off his bicycle while exercising at his ranch in Texas yesterday. Officials say no essential parts of his body were injured, which means he must have only hit his head.

Teresa Sounds Off
After she told a reporter to "shove it," Teresa Heinz Kerry is under attack. Conservatives want her to apologize, liberals want her to calm down, and Dick Cheney thinks she should have told him to "f**k off."

GOP Chides Dems
Republicans say the Democratic Convention is nothing but an episode of "extreme makeover." Democrats are responding by characterizing President Bush's first four years in office as back-to-back episodes of "Big Brother," and "Fear Factor."

Gitmo Release
Four French nationals held at Guantanamo Bay for more than two years have arrived in France after being handed over by the United States. It's a mixed blessing for the men; they are free, but now that they're back in France they'll probably get fewer showers than when they were in prison.


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