Berger Documents
Former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger says he accidentally removed top secret terrorism documents and inadvertently threw them away. The Bush Administration now wants Berger to be prosecuted, fined, and put in charge of all of the President's National Guard service records.

UN Vote
The United Nations is expected to overwhelmingly vote in favor of forcing Israel to dismantle what the delegates call its "racist, destructive, and unnecessary security fence." Of course those delegates won't begin voting until after they pass through seven security barriers, three metal detectors, and an X-Ray Machine.

Chirac Snubs Sharon
Franco-Israeli relations have hit new lows as French President Jacques Chirac told Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon he was no longer welcome in Paris. It's not because of Israel's political positions; it's just that whenever Sharon comes to France the nation's food reserves hit a dangerous low.

Top 5 Reasons the National Guard is Having Trouble Recruiting

-Most promising recruits continually complain that the troops in Iraq have already done "all the good torturin' "

-"Why I Joined" recruitment video starring Dan Quayle failing to inspire anyone

-Most American men are now getting great private sector jobs thanks to this huge economic recovery... just kidding!

-Even if they do reinstate the draft, all the Bush boys are too old for service anyway