Newsday Alert!!! I'm the lead joke in the "Punchlines" column in today's Newsday. Here's the link: Newsday


Ken Lay Indicted
The man responsible for squandering billions of dollars and losing thousands of jobs was on all the news stations today, insisting he's innocent and asking for the public’s support. And after President Bush finished his campaign speeches, the networks switched to coverage of Ken Lay's indictment in the Enron case.

First Lady's Schedule
First Lady Laura Bush will be busy this week distributing children's books and campaigning for the Bush-Cheney ticket. Of course, Mrs. Bush could promote literacy and help the campaign all at once if she just stayed home and taught her husband to read.

New York Cab Drivers
A new study shows the number of immigrant cab drivers in New York City is actually going up. So apparently there is a number greater than infinity.