Democratic Convention Schedule
The Democrats have named their prime time speakers' schedule for their National Convention beginning July 26th. On opening night, the speakers will be Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, and Bill Clinton. Their respective themes will be "Depression, Dementia, and Denial"

Democratic Convention Schedule II
On opening night of the Democratic National Convention the speakers will be Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, and Bill Clinton. That means most NBC viewers will think they're watching a re-run of "Scrubs."

Shark Leniency
The brother of an Australian surfer mauled by a shark is actually begging authorities not to kill the shark... at least not until he gets an answer from 1-800 LAWYERS about whether he can sue the it for $50 million.


Top 5 Reasons Mike Ditka Should Run for the US Senate

-Bears fans deserve to see at least one winner in their lifetimes

-Somebody needs to protect GOP Senators from that bully Hillary Clinton

-Can swap erectile dysfunction medications with Libby Dole

-Thanks to Dick Cheney, he won't have to worry about cleaning up his language when he gets to Capitol Hill

-Now he works for FOX as an announcer; but as a Republican Senator, FOX would be working for HIM!