Beer Run
Police say four inmates broke out of a jail in Tennessee this week, bought some cases of beer, and then returned to their cells. This is further proof that as long as they can have beer, most men are willing to endure anything.

Top 5 Events Men are Willing to Take as Long as They Can Get Beer

-Mets games

-War in Iraq, (Donald Rumsfeld only)

-College

-Direct flight from Miami to Phoenix (America West pilots only)

-Marriage

W Ketchup
Worrying that Teresa Heinz-Kerry is profiting from sales of Heinz ketchup, a conservative Republican businessmen is selling a new product called "W" ketchup. Meanwhile, leading neo-Nazi groups are working on offering an alternative to Vlassic kosher pickles.

Top Things Republicans are Boycotting Besides Heinz Ketchup

-Keri skin lotion

-Left turn signals

-Head and Shoulders Shampoo (directions say to use a 'liberal" amount)

-Garden and bush trimmers

-Bill of Rights