Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Spencer's Gaffe
Senator Hillary Clinton's election challenger, John Spencer, told a reporter that Mrs. Clinton must have received "millions of dollars" in plastic surgery. Of course that's ridiculous, because if it were true those doctors would have a heck of a malpractice suit on their hands.

Bush Campaign Strategy
President Bush would like to start giving campaign speeches about the growing economy, and less about the war in Iraq. It's just that all the people doing the best in this economy are making their money off the war in Iraq.

Top 5 Ways the Iraqi Government Can Take More Responsibility

5) Stop letting themselves get killed all the time

4) Do something useful and help the White House blame all this on Bill Clinton

3) In the midst of all the killing, spend $20 million on a victory party... oh wait, that's what WE'RE doing

2) Two words: "Outlaw bombs"

1) Let them pay those bills from Halliburton for once

Episcopals Approve Gays
Connecticut's bishop announced over the weekend that Episcopal parishes in the state may bless same-sex couples. But that probably won't be enough to convince gay people to bag the "Project Runway" re-runs and go to church.

Harry Potter Nude
Daniel Radcliffe, the 17 year-old star of the Harry Potter movies, will soon make his London stage debut in "Equus," in which he will have to perform a nude scene. Well, he does have a magic wand.

Bigger Iran
Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he opposes the nation's longstanding policy that encouraged families to have just two children, saying that Iran could cope with 50 million more people... you know after the first 50 million die from religious executions and radiation poisoning.

London Flu Spray
It was revealed this week that London's Tube trains and stations could be sprayed with a powerful new anti-flu disinfectant. The news comes as a relief to the thousands of would-be suicide bombers who would hate to get sick on their mission.

Celebrity Money
Statisticians studying celebrity salaries say it takes Howard Stern 24 seconds to make $1,000 dollars, Dr. Phil takes 2 minutes and 42 seconds and Brad Pitt takes 4 minutes and 48 seconds. Statisticians studying politicians say it takes each of them just 5 seconds to waste $1 million.


Post a Comment

<< Home