Stem Cell Israel
Israel is now the number one nation in stem cell research, as it is now growing heart cells, skin cells, and even brain cells. But the Palestinians are still number one in growing terrorist cells.



Marijuana Tax
Oakland, California has become the first U.S. city to place a tax on medical marijuana. Luckily for pot users, the tax can be paid in Doritos and Twinkies.



California School Cuts
California's public schools are scrambling to cut $15 billion and still maintain education standards. As a compromise, the state is no longer requiring the schools to teach verbs.


California School Cuts II
California's public schools are scrambling to cut $15 billion and still maintain education standards. Luckily, there's little chance of anyone complaining since no legal California residents have sent their kids to a public school since 1985.



Obama News Conference... Again
President Obama will hold yet another news conference tonight to push for health care reform. Unfortunately, every time the president talks about health care, he drives up the nation's medical costs by sending millions of Americans to the emergency room with abdominal pain.


Obama News Conference... Again II
President Obama will hold yet another news conference in prime time tonight to push for health care reform... and help the sagging ratings of every network that chooses not to broadcast it.



Mayor in Trouble
The mayor of a Romanian town is in hot water after he wore a Nazi uniform during a fashion show over the weekend. The mayor's constituents are outraged that he didn't buy more of the uniforms for them.



Pubs Closing
The recession and a steep alcohol tax is forcing hundreds of pubs in Britain to close down. The reduced drinking is having a severe effect on English people, as they are all now realizing that having a Queen is silly and their teeth are bad.






July 22nd


1793: Alexander Mackenzie reaches the Pacific Ocean, becoming the first Euro-American to complete a transcontinental crossing of Canada... without first getting drunk on a case of Molsons.

1937: The U.S. Senate votes down President Franklin D. Roosevelt's proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court... mostly because no Senator wants to sit through any more of those endless confirmation hearings.

1943: Allied forces capture the Italian city of Palermo, then hand it over to the Gambino family.