Student Exchange Program
During his speech to the Muslim world, President Obama promised to allow more Arab students to study in the United States. That's great news for most Arabs who are hoping to enroll in our flight schools.


Key to Peace
President Obama insisted that solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was the key to peace in the Middle East, and between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.



Islamic "Tolerance"
President Obama spoke of Islam's "long history of religious tolerance." Historians believe he must have been talking about how infidels are often hanged in the most tolerant way possible.


American-Islamic History
President Obama said that Islam has an undeniable part of America history as well... he must have been speaking of 9/11, Beirut, Khobar Towers, and Monday's Muslim shooting of an American soldier in Arkansas.


Business Opportunity
President Obama said he believes providing more broadband access to the Middle East would lead to great business opportunities. Al Qaeda agrees, as it hopes to get more distribution when it beheads people online.



Wal-Mart's Hiring
Wal-Mart says it wants to hire 22,000 new workers in the U.S. this year. GM and Chrysler are promising to help Wal-Mart meet that goal by laying off 22,000 workers just this month.



Web Use
A new report shows that 62% of Americans use the Internet every day. The other 38% prefer to watch their porn on the weekends only.



Waiting for the Doctor
A new study shows that the average wait time to see a doctor has soared by more than a week since 2004. The worst delays are felt by people who have the same doctors as Cher, Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson.