Bomb Plot Reporting
Most of the news reports about the bomb plot against two New York Synagogues have failed to mention that the suspects were Muslims. They blew their religious quota after reminding people 37,000 times that Bernie Madoff is Jewish.



Gitmo Speech
President Obama will make his case for closing the Guantanamo Bay prison today. It's not clear if he wants to uphold civil liberties or just get rid of the glut of New York synagogues.



Clinton Records Lost
The National Archives has lost a computer hard drive containing large volumes of Clinton administration records. And even worse, all the porn sites on that hard drive have since gone out of business.



Pelosi Address
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will give the graduation address at Johns Hopkins University today. Pelosi will tell the graduates to remember all they have learned, so they can deny ever learning it in the first place.



Cross Border School
It turns out that 70% of the students at an El Paso school are actually living in Mexico. When they show up to class without their homework, they just say the border guards ate it.



No Market Reaction
Despite today's uncovered terror plot against the New York synagogue, stock market futures are holding steady... mostly because all the members of that synagogue already lost all their money with Bernie Madoff.