Tribunals to Resume
President Obama is planning to resume the military tribunals at Guantanamo Bay... only this time the people on trial will be AIG executives and Chrysler debt holders.



GM Dead Letters
About 1,000 GM dealers will get UPS letters this afternoon, informing them that they're going to be shut down. Of course GM dealers are used to getting bad news on Friday afternoons, that when they're usually informed of the latest involuntary GM car recall.



Insurers Bailed Out
The U.S. Treasury is giving $22 billion of bailout money to several life insurance companies. When asked why they didn't have some kind of emergency fund for the economic downturn, the insurance company executives said they didn't want to waste money on some crazy insurance policy.


Insurers Bailed Out II
The U.S. Treasury is giving $22 billion of bailout money to several life insurance companies. In return, those companies have promised never to send a salesmen to any Treasury official's home ever again.



Obama's Warning
President Obama has secretly warned Israel not to attack Iran's nuclear sites without informing him first. The president just wants to make sure the strike isn't scheduled for the same weekend of his planned fishing trip with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.



Dead Letters
Thousands of deceased Americans are receiving federal stimulus checks in the mail.... but enough about GM and Chrysler.