Jacko's Kids
A judge has granted Michael Jackson's mother temporary guardianship of his kids. The children are reportedly coping with his death pretty well, but they can't understand why no one's molested them for the last five days.



Stonewall Remembered
This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall protests in New York City, when patrons at a famous gay bar rioted against discrimination by police and the fact that the bar's curtains totally clashed with the shag carpet.



Madoff Sentence
Bernie Madoff has been sentenced to 150 years in prison, making him the only man in America who knows he'll still have health care coverage for more than the next 3 years.



Amish Hurting
The weak economy is even taking a toll on the Amish. Farm income is down, building material costs are up, and the horse union won't budge until it gets a $25 billion dollar federal bailout for the buggy industry.



Ming Out for Good?
Yao Ming's broken left foot could end his NBA career. On the bright side, even though Ming's foot was made in China, there's no evidence that Ming's foot was made of poisonous lead paint.