Smoking Bill
President Obama has just signed the landmark new "Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act." But the moment lost some of its sugnificance, when after signing the bill, Mr. Obama attempted to smoke the pen.



Mullahpalooza!
While millions of people are following the fate of Iranian protestors on Twitter, a new online networking site for people hoping to track the exploits of the Iranian riot police has also been set up, it's called "Hitter."



Sarkozy on Burqas
French President Nicolas Sarkozy has just said that France cannot accept the fact that Muslim women are forced to wear full-body burqas. And everyone else can't accept the fact that his hot new wife is forced to wear any clothes at all!



Jobs Transplant
We have now learned that Apple founder Steve Jobs had a liver transplant about two months ago. His new liver has 3 gigabytes of memory and can download up to 1,000 bile ducts.

We have now learned that Apple founder Steve Jobs had a liver transplant about two months ago. We've also just learned that about half the folks we thought were lining up for the new iPhone were actually the people Jobs pushed to the back of the transplant list.

The good news is that Steve Jobs was able to get the procedure done in Tennessee, where there is a much shorter waiting period for a transplant. The bad news is that all livers in Tennessee are made by Jack Daniels.



Reporter Free
A New York Times reporter held captive for months by the Taliban has finally escaped. After all that time with abusive Islamists, it's not clear how he'll adjust to the real anti-American extremists in the Times newsroom.



State Budgets
With more and more states in budget distress, governors are approving tax increases, layoffs, and asking all of Eliot Spitzer's ex-hookers to cut their rates by 5% across the board.



Madoff Widow
The wife of the French investment manager who killed himself because of his connection with Bernie Madoff is calling Madoff a "monster"... but that's just because she found out he was Jewish... and she's French.