Lakers Win
The L.A. Lakers won their 15th NBA championship last night. Like all the league champions before them, the Lakers will get the Naismith Trophy, a victory parade, and free legal defense for their next 75 paternity suits.


Lakers Win II
The L.A. Lakers won their 15th NBA championship in Orlando last night. California plans on eliminating its state deficit by imposing an emergency income and tattoo tax on each of the players.



Iranian Riots
The riots in the streets in Iran show the great differences arising in that country between supporters of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and those who voted for Hossein Mousavi. The Ahmadinejad camp want to kill Jews on Mondays and the Mousavi voters want to kill Jews on Tuesdays.



College Cutbacks
Several cash-starved states are considering reducing funds for thousands of low- and middle-income college students. The most radical plan is to only give scholarships to football players who actually attend class.



Soda Tax
Several cash-strapped state are considering a soda pop tax as a way to pay for health reforms... and to cut down on runaway burping and farting.



Girls in Sports
The city of Boston is leading a movement to encourage more girls to play sports. Of course, the Bruins have been playing like girls for 15 years.