BREAKING NEWS!!!!

A Continental airlines pilot has died during a flight from Brussels to Newark. The pilot's family has been notified that they will be able to pick up his body at baggage carousel A-5.

UPDATE!!!!

The family of the Continental airlines pilot who died during a flight from Brussels to Newark has just been notified that his body was accidentally sent to Cleveland. For their trouble, the airline is offering them two free drink vouchers and an upgrade to business class.



Movin' Out
60-year-old Billy Joel and his 27-year-old wife Katie Lee are getting a divorce... apparently the shine came off the marriage when Joel stopped letting Katie stay up past her bedtime.



Hamas in Iran
Members of the terrorist group Hamas are now in Iran helping to beat and kill the pro-democracy protestors. Of course, it's not unusual for people to act out violently after having a few meetings with Jimmy Carter.



Legal Pot
Rhode Island has legalized the use of medical marijuana... also known as the "Taco Bell-Doritos Stimulus Plan."


Legal Pot II
Rhode Island has legalized the use of medical marijuana to fight complications related to glaucoma and other cancers. In a related story, Rhode Island is desperately looking for a drug to help combat a statewide outbreak of the giggles.


Legal Pot III
Rhode Island has just legalized the use of medical marijuana... finally, something from the government to help us forget about this economy!



Healthcare Reform
Two Senate committees are working on healthcare reform. But since this is the U.S. Senate, the committees are mostly trying to make sure there's enough funding for Viagra and Geritol.



B.A. for Free
British Airways is asking its employees to work for free... does that mean I no longer have to pay the stewardess $50 for a blowjob?



Edwards Unsure
Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards says he's not sure if he should have run for the White House knowing his act of infidelity could be exposed. But he is sure that the woman he cheated with was hotter than the chick who screwed John Ensign.


Edwards Unsure II
Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards says he's not sure if he should have run for the White House knowing his act of infidelity could be exposed. But he is sure he can win when he goes on "The Dating Game" against fellow bachelors John Ensign and Eliot Spitzer next week.