Jobs Procedure Confirmed
A Memphis hospital has now confirmed that it indeed performed a liver transplant on Steve Jobs. Actually, that was confirmed two months ago when every doctor, nurse and orderly at the hospital showed up to work with a new iPhone.



Easier Forms
The Department of Education will unveil a much shorter and easier federal application for college financial aid. The old form required too much of American high school seniors, including financial documents, student records, and basic literacy.



Lunch with Warren
A Chinese businessman has bid $2.1 million in a charity auction for lunch with Warren Buffett. Meanwhile, the bidding is up to $5 million for Steve Jobs' liver.



Dreamliner Delay
Continental Airlines is furious now that Boeing has once again delayed delivery of its 787 Dreamliner aircraft. Continental executives are trying to get to Boeing headquarters to complain, but their flight has been delayed for the last 15 hours in Cleveland.



Ford Loan
The U.S. government has just lent $8 billion to Ford to help it make fuel-efficient cars that Americans will really want to buy. That's $1 billion for design and manufacturing, and $7 billion to buy and destroy every Toyota Prius currently for sale.



Citi Raises
Critics are outraged as bankers at Citigroup are getting up to 50% raises this year. But if they manage their own money like they do the bank's, they'll lose that extra money within six weeks.