Presidential Power
President Obama is getting some positive buzz after ordering the U.S. Navy to kill the Somali pirates holding Captain Richard Phillips. The White House is now considering shooting all the executives at AIG.



Madoff Tix Sold
Bernie Madoff's opening day Mets tickets have sold for $7,500 on eBay while Madoff remains in solitary confinement... that means the new ticket holders will actually be sitting next to more criminals at the game.



Laid Off Lawyers
Several major law firms are laying off attorneys. It's not clear what's harder for the lawyers to take: the fact that they're out of a job, or the fact that they're just as miserably boring as they were when they were working 80 hours a week.



Nicer IRS
In light of the economic downturn, the IRS is telling all of its agents to be "nicer and friendlier." But there's no word on whether those agents will be asked to be competent.



Script Deal
Express Scripts has agreed to buy WellPoint's pharmacy benefits business for $4.68 billion. Express is paying in the form of 312 million $15 co-pays.