Friday, April 10, 2009

Goldman Stock Sale
Goldman Sachs is looking to sell billions of new shares of stock. The plan relies on finding a few billion investors who haven't read the business news for the last 18 months.

Whale Sighting
A humpback whale was sighted yesterday afternoon in the waters near the Verrazano Bridge. But like most New Yorkers, it took one look at Staten Island and went right back where it came from.

Obama Immigration Plan
The Obama administration is working on a plan to give widespread amnesty to illegal immigrants. Because in this economy, the one thing America really needs is millions of new citizens looking for work.

D&D Creator Dead
Dave Arneson, the creator of the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game, has died at age 61. Arneson is credited with helping millions more teenage boys remain virgins than the "Promise Keepers."

Internet Everywhere
The Obama administration wants to spend $7.2 billion on a program to bring broadband Internet to rural areas of the country... also known as "Porn for Farmers."


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