Obama Holocaust
Today, President Obama will deliver a short speech at the Holocaust Remembrance ceremony at the U.S. Capitol. Meanwhile, Obama still hopes to meet with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to help plan the next Holocaust.



Obama Credit Cards
President Obama is meeting today with the top credit card issuers to demand that they not raise interest rates and fees on consumers. He also wants to find out how long it will take to pay back a $2 trillion deficit if he only pays the minimum payment every month.



Hershey Profits Higher
Hershey's posted a higher-than-expected rise in quarterly profits, helped by price increases, market share gains, and the fact that you can buy chocolate bars with food stamps.



Stafford #1?
The Detroit Lions are expected to make Georgia quarterback Matt Stafford the #1 pick in the NFL draft. The Lions can't offer him a huge salary, but the team will give him full ownership of GM, Chrysler, and 500,000 foreclosed homes.



Condi Okays Torture
A Senate Intelligence Committee document shows that Condoleezza Rice personally approved the CIA's use of waterboarding on al-Qaeda suspects. That's a surprising positions coming from a woman who obviously doesn't even have the guts to see a dentist.