Obama Cost-Cutting
President Obama has given his cabinet 90 days to eliminate dozens of government programs shown to be "wasteful or ineffective"... and after they shut down GM and the banks, they'll still have 85 days to go.


Obama Cost-Cutting
President Obama has given his cabinet 90 days to eliminate dozens of government programs shown to be "wasteful or ineffective." This means Bo the dog has three months to get housebroken.



Madonna Injury
Madonna suffered minor injuries Saturday when she was thrown off a horse. Insiders say the horse got wildly agitated when Madonna tried to adopt him.



Earth Day
Earth Day is this Wednesday. The event has lost a bit of its green luster now that it's sponsored by Exxon and McDonald's.



TiVo Data
TiVo is set to sell advertisers instant info on what people watch, and how long they watch it. Preliminary data shows that most Americans watch the full hour of "American Idol," about 45 minutes of "Survivor," and men watch "The Playboy Channel" for seven minutes at a time.



Michelle's Call
First Lady Michelle Obama says the nation needs more youthful idealists than ever before. That's because all the young and inexperienced kids are already working for her husband.



Millen Hired
Ex-Detroit Lions general manager Matt Millen has taken a job as an anaylst at ESPN. Experts now predict ESPN will go 2-14 this season.



Torture Frequency
New reports show that C.I.A. interrogators used waterboarding on two key prisoners from Al Qaeda 266 times. Considering the prisoner never showered before being captured, this was actually doing them a favor.



Sean Bell Street
Community activists want to rename a street in Queens in honor of Sean Bell, the man who was mistakenly shot and killed by cops as he left his bachelor party in 2006. Mayor Bloomberg and the NYPD are actually willing to go ahead with the idea, provided the new name of the street is "Drunk at a Strip Club Ave."