Tuesday, April 14, 2009

GM Recall
GM is recalling 1.5 million cars that are susceptible to engine fires. In fact the only thing that GM burns through faster than those engines is government bailout money.

GM Recall II
GM is recalling 1.5 million cars because of fire fears. Those 1.5 million cars all belong to GM executives who are expected to try to torch them for the insurance money.

Economic Speech
President Obama will deliver a "major speech on the economy" this morning. According to the White House, he will discuss each and every step of his recovery program... and then the president will realize that no one wants to hear that and he'll just talk more about what we did to those Somali pirates.

Florida Drug Abuse
Prescription drugs have caused three times as many deaths in Florida than all illegal drugs combined. This is what happens when pharmacies don't print labels big enough for elderly people to read.

North Korea Nukes
North Korea is vowing to resume nuclear weapons production. If things go bad, they figure they'll get a bailout from the U.S. government.

Gibson Divorce
Mel Gibson's wife is filing for divorce. For some reason, every one of the nation's top Jewish lawyers is offering to take her case for free.


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