Pirate in NYC
The lone surviving Somali pirate of the four who hijacked the Maersk Alabama has been arraigned in a Manhattan federal court. While he's here, New Yorkers are hoping he'll at least kidnap a few Wall Street executives.



Nice Pants
Pairs of pants that enhance a man's crotch are all the rage in Europe. Experts say if they sold those pants in New York and Washington, we probably wouldn't have had the stock market meltdown or the war in Iraq.



Mitchell's Accusation
Former astronaut Edgar Mitchell insists that extraterrestrial life exists, and that the truth is being concealed by the U.S. government... mostly because Washington doesn't want us to know just how much money we've spent to bail out the entire Martian banking system.



Morgan Stanley Banks
Morgan Stanley executives are considering buying smaller banks across the U.S. in hopes of diversifying the business, getting into consumer lending, and having a really good place to hide their excessive bonuses.



Pulitzer Prizes
Columbia University handed out the Pulitzer Prizes last night. The New York Times won the most awards, which explains why there were so many Pulitzer Prize medallions at my local pawn shop this morning.

Pulitzer Prizes
Columbia University handed out the Pulitzer Prizes last night. In a stunning development, one of the winning newspaper reporters actually hadn't been laid off!



Video Game Junkies
A new study shows that teens who play video games for more than one hour a day are more likely to become addicted to alcohol, drugs, and Taco Bell.