Detroit in the Dumps
Hollywood is working on a new movie about Chrysler: "Chitty Chitty Bankrupt."


Chrysler Creditors
Insiders are denying published reports that say talks between Chrysler and the banks have broken down. They say what really happened is that the negotiators couldn't get to the talks because they're stuck in a broken down Chrysler.


At the Table
Currently, the banks, Chrysler, and government representatives are locked in a hotel room in downtown Detroit... and as soon as the hotel figures out they're getting free porn, negotiations should resume.



Biden Quote
Vice President Joe Biden says he wouldn't travel on a plane right now because of the swine flu. Everyone else in America just doesn't want to travel on a plane with Joe Biden.



Penn-Wright Splittsville
Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn are finally calling it quits. Penn is now finally free to marry his true love: Hugo Chavez.



Luxury Guilt
A new survey shows that rich people feel guilty when they buy luxury items like jewelry in a bad economy... but not as bad as taxpayers when we buy stupid things like Chrysler, Citigroup and AIG in a bad economy.