Obama's Grandmother Dies
Barack Obama's white grandmother died yesterday. Now that she's dead, he can feel free to call her a racist every time he screws up in the White House.

In their reporting of Barack Obama's grandmother's death, not ONE major media outlet mentioned that this was the same woman Obama accused of being a racist when he was caught up in the Rev. Jeremiah Wright controversy... because it would be racist to report that.



Lines at the Polls
Long lines are already forming at polls across the country. Half the people are rabid Obama supporters, the other half think it's the line for the new iPhone.

Thousands of Americans are expected to miss work today so they can vote... and after Obama wins, millions of Americans will be out of work permanently.


McCain Gap
John McCain seemingly faces an insurmountable gap in the final presidential election polls... mostly because he can't blame all his problems on a racist grandmother.



Bin Laden Son
One of Osama bin Laden's is seeking asylum in Spain. Spain says it will allow him to enter the country, but as a precaution, the government is making him promise to ride the Madrid subway seven days a week.