Goldman Cuts
Goldman Sachs is cutting 10% of its workforce. It will be hard losing their jobs, but the toughest part for the ex-Goldman employees will be realizing they're not God.




Coffee Study
The bad news is that a new study shows that drinking too much coffee can increase the size of a man's breasts. The good news is that when those men do drink coffee, they don't have worry about where to find the cream.




UPS Earnings
Because of the economic slowdown, UPS is expected to report weak quarterly earnings today. On the bright side, the company does expect to make billions in 2009 delivering pink slips to fired workers all over the country.



Spending Record
A new report shows that political campaign spending has reached a record $5.3 billion this year. So the best way to fix the economy is to force everyone in Washington to run for re-election every six months.



Pregnancy Study
A new study shows that post-pregnancy depression may be linked to preterm delivery. That's opposed to most women, who say post-pregnancy depression is linked to deliveries that hurt like Hell.