No Cold Meds
U.S. drug companies now say that no children under the age of four should use any of their cold medicines at any time. This is due to some health concerns, and because those kids with colds are draining supply from teenagers who need to use those pills to make crystal meth.



Commercial Paper
The good news is the federal government is now going to provide loans directly to U.S. corporations. The bad news those loans will come in the form of food stamps.



Obama Leads
Barack Obama is beginning to pull away in the polls. Americans like his plans to tax the rich, mostly because they're impressed Obama is still able to find any rich people to tax.



Bank Battle Truce
Citigroup and Wells Fargo have called a temporary truce in their legal battle over who will take over Wachovia... mostly because neither bank can afford lawyers right now.



Housing Prices
Economic experts say the current financial crisis will not subside until the still-overpriced real estate market comes back to Earth... something that doesn't seem likely since Barack Obama and John McCain are already willing to spend over a billion dollars just to live in a house in a shaky Washington neighborhood.


Obama and McCain are both looking forward to tonight's debate, as they are desperate to get their messages out to the America people before everyone gets their TV's repossessed.

Tom Brokaw will be tonight's debate moderator... mostly because even he had to come out of retirement to pay his bills.