Plumber Talk
Both John McCain and Barack Obama talked extensively about "Joe the plumber" during last night's debate... a funny coincidence since both campaigns really could use someone who clears away gobs of crap.



Earnings Reports
The stock market is watching closely, as several major corporations release quarterly earnings reports today. But the way things are going, the most important earnings report next quarter will come from the guy selling apples on 57th Street.



Muslim Breaks
Several U.S. companies are being sued by Muslim workers who say they need five prayer breaks a day. The companies say they can only allow that many breaks to employees who worship cigarettes.



What's Next?
Madonna and Guy Ritchie have officially announced their plans to divorce. Ritchie is expected to throw himself into his filmmaking career, while Madonna is expected to throw herself at the New York Yankees clubhouse.



Border Fight
Thailand and Cambodia are working to resolve their border dispute. In the latest concession, Thailand was willing to give up 3 heroin fields in return for 4 Cambodian brothels with 8-year-old boy prostitutes.