Porno Director Dies
"Deep Throat" director Gerard Damiano has died at age 80. When the film was released in 1972 it was considered pornagraphic, but in a sign of changing times the movie is now regularly broadcast on Nickelodeon and PBS Kids.



Gas Drop
Gas prices are now 23 cents per gallon cheaper than they were a year ago. Unfortunately, Americans are now driving to and from their local unemployment line.



Rain Delay
Game 5 of the World Series was suspended last night because of rain... which was annoying for the 3 people outside of Philadelphia who still give a damn about the World Series.



Military Sex
A new survey shows that 15% of women in the U.S. military say they feel some kind of sexual pressures on the job. That's opposed to 100% of the men in the U.S. military who say they aren't getting any.



NBA Begins
The new NBA season tips off tonight, which means the slow season for the nation's sex crime units is coming to an end.

NBA Begins II
The new NBA season tips off tonight, which means Isiah Thomas will have to boost his daily sleeping pill intake from 10 to 20 just to get through the night.