Obama's Grandparents
During his acceptance speech last night, Barack Obama thanked his white grandparents for being hard-working Americans... he also thanked them for being dead so he could get away with calling them racists a few months ago.

Senator Obama promised to reverse the trend that's forced more Americans to work harder for less... unless you're a doctor, because he expects you to start working for free.


Obama repeatedly said there was no difference between John McCain and President Bush... mostly because all white people look alike to him.



Gas Prices
Gas prices rose for the first time today in 40 days... mostly because of all the idling limos waiting to pick up the big Democratic Party donors outside of Invesco Field last night.



McCain VP Choice
Conservatives are warning John McCain not to choose a pro-choice running mate... or, or, or... okay, they'll still vote for him, but they won't like it!

Like Barack Obama did with text messages, John McCain is hoping to inform his core supporters of his V.P. choice in the best way... so he's going to print the name of his running mate on a bunch of menu's for Denny's early bird special.