Kennedy Appears
Ted Kennedy said that nothing could stop him from coming to the Democratic Convention... especially since it was 2-for-1 shooter's night at all the local Denver bars.



Economic Surge
Denver is enjoying a big economic boost thanks to the Democratic Convention, but with Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards not coming, the local prostitutes are going out of business.



Michelle on Barack
Michelle Obama's speech last night at the convention focused on two tracks: Barack Obama as a husband and father, and Barack Obama as a political leader... which is why the first part of the speech took 15 minutes and the second part was 38 seconds.



Rice on Settlements
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says Israel Settlements are unhelpful to peace talks... because Arab leaders are too distracted trying to kill the Jews who live in them to show up for negotiations.



North Korea Move
North Korea has stopped disabling its nuclear reactor beacause it's angry over Washington's failure to remove it from the list of terror sponsors... Oh, and also they executed all the construction workers by accident.